Wednesday, 29 February 2012

The Odanglesex Chronicles: The Agile Stationery Strategy (6)

ED'S JOB - the blog of Chief Executive Edelbertha Spengler

Hello again! Isn't it marvellous to see all the flowers coming out? It's Spring!!!

When we think of Spring, of course all sorts of things come to mind - lambs, flowers, birds, greenery, summer clothes and spring cleaning.

Sometimes we collect loads of stuff we don't really need. For example, a recent check of OCC internet activity showed that some employees were registered with seven or more jobsearch sites! When my old grandma, bless her, died, we found her cupboard stacked with 1,823 empty yoghurt pots, and she didn't even eat yoghurt.

My teenage daughter doesn't really "get" spring cleaning, tidying or throwing unimportant things away. So her room is a mountain of stuff and before long if we don't step in she'll be trapped in there, let alone unable to find things she needs in a hurry, though I've no idea what those could be. What's more, she collects stuff that IS useful and forgets and buys more of them and then can't find them.

It's the same with us at work. You've probably seen that we've placed a stop on most stationery orders until we reduce our overstocking without getting into understocking. We need stocking that just fits. So get out there and make use of all that stationery that's mouldering in your offices!

Now I'm just going to write a note to myself on that notepad I found at the bottom of one of my drawers...

FROM: Neil Balderson, Senior Transformational Excellence Manager

TO: Kenneth Spotlessnob, Assistant Chief Executive and Director of Transformational Excellence and Strategic Vision


I really would like to report that I've been able to make progress with the business case for the winding up of the Bank of Odanglesex Lord Pond Commemorative Fund, but I'm being distracted by complaints from junior officers about the stationery situation. It seems that some of them still make use of biros and staplers, and also that mouse mats and other computer accessories are categorised as stationery, along with printer cartridges. Hamish Carpenter has attempted to second-guess the A4Page analysis of our stationery reserves and he claims that at least three-quarters of them consist of items hardly now used if at all, such as bottles of tippex, indiarubbers and even tracing paper.

Would it be acceptable just to dump some of this stuff and then request a reassessment of our reserves?

FROM: Kenneth Spotlessnob

TO: Neil Balderson

Sorry, Neil, your ingenious suggestion is against our Business Procedures Manual and also our Green Odanglesex Charter.

FROM: Magog Jones, Director of Transportation and Settlement

TO: Germaine Custer, Director of Children Transformation

O.K. Gerry, it's a deal. 1,500 boxes of standard size staples for thirteen packets of A3 copier paper with one magnifying glass thrown in.

FROM: Kay Farmer, Head of Member Services

TO: Edelbertha Spengler


Given the absence of notebooks and of recording devices, do you think members will notice if the Oversight of Garden Walls and Hedges meeting isn't minuted for a few months?


  1. Better throw in 6 dozen 8-track tapes and a dozen new crank Xerox machines. Don't forget the new 24-plug switchboard and Mrs. Edelbertha Spengler's Granny to operate it. ":)

    1. Good thinking, Raymond, especially since Granny is dead.

      Great to see a comment on this series - I know a lot of people are reading it, including a lot in the USA and France and I'm curious about what they find in it and how much it corresponds to their own experiences in large organisations. The lack of comments from the UK is no surprise as some former colleagues may want to stay under cover!